he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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