you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
