It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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