I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
