my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am available for nakedness
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
