they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
