why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
