im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
