we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
