So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
