**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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