My underwear smells like fireworks.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
