remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
