when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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