I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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