He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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