sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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