it wasn't lemon gatorade
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
