When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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