they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
