Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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