I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
