it's too hot outside to masturbate.
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Your cock deserves a montage
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
