I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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