whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
...so i touched it.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
