It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
