He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
