I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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