Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
