I am in a vortex of obligation.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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