that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
