shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
