do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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