Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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