I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
