i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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