from now on my penis is your penis
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You are the jesus of drinking
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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