Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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