Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
