Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
