I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
