Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
