and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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