Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
