you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
