Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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