i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
