Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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