Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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