WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
