The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
