If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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