Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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