Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
